Still Standing
by Sempai Sunny
Summary: Vash made a big boo-boo and now the Insurance girls are going their own paths. songfic! rating for vash going ballistic near the end. ***SPOILERS***


Disclaimer: My friend's parrot keeps saying I don't own Trigun. I also don't own "I'm Still Standing" by Elton John (technically by Bernie Taupin but who are we to split hairs?)  
  
WARNING: There are nasty spoilers for episodes 23-26. I am VERY pro- Insurance Girls & Priests/Outlaws (depending on the girl). But, I'm in a sour mood, and this takes place after the series. *=song lyrics. POV switches between Meryl, Vash, and Milly, at first under a subtitle of "Insurance girls", then alone, as well as Vash being located "chez Vash/Knives" until they leave to go after something precious--to one of them, at least.  
  
Still Standing  
  
"'Vash, you moron!' I screamed. 'Why did you bring him back with you? I should think that he'd be capable of curing himself!'  
  
"'Meryl! Take a look at him.' Vash pointed at the body lying on the bed. "He's out cold! And will be for who knows how long!'  
  
"Milly stood in the doorway, drinking it all in."  
  
I shuddered at the memory of a few days ago. A silent Milly scared me to death. She'd been relatively inanimate the last few weeks, since the priest died. She'd stop calling him "Mr. Priest" posthumously and now referred to him as "Nicholas." I don't know what happened the night before he died, but something did, and I'd prefer not to know.  
  
On the other hand, I was getting to the point where I could just throttle Vash. I loved him, sure, but this was insane. Bringing an insane killer into our home? What if he attacked Milly? Or Vash? Or me?  
  
"If he dies, I'm responsible, and I'll have failed Rem again! You *know* how important that promise I made to her is!" Vash screamed as I gave Knives another loathing look.  
  
"Vash, how are you going to feel if he awakens and kills one of us in our sleep?"  
  
"If he did it right now, and shot you, I'm sure I might rejoice. You've been nothing but a bitch since the second I got back."  
  
That did it.  
  
*You could never know what it's like  
  
Your blood like winter freezes  
  
Just like ice and there's cold*  
  
I couldn't take much more. After Mr. Wolfwood died, Milly had been sorrowful and in constant mourning. Fine, she'd lost the one man she'd loved. I could understand that. And Vash treated him like a brother. Fine. Yes, I was sad, too.  
  
Vash could have taken us with him, but no, he told us to stay behind. It was Milly's idea to follow him.  
  
And, of course, we got attacked by villagers possessed by Legato, most lethal of the Gung-Ho Guns, aside from their surrogate leader, Millions Knives himself.  
  
Vash hadn't quite forgiven me for making him kill Legato, but IT WASN'T MY FAULT! How were we supposed to know what was going on? Vash had left us behind.  
  
As for the day he got pulled around town like a truck, that was his fault, too, though I accept blame for it as well. If I had woken up on time, I could have stopped it before it started. Of course, Vash just got even more irritating afterwards.  
  
And then he left to find Knives. That put me through so much mental agony. I had hoped and prayed for days and days that he would find Knives, nothing of consequence would happen, except that Knives would take Vash's views, Vash would come home, and all would be forgotten.  
  
Yeah, right. No such luck.  
  
Instead, the day Milly and the well crew hit water, Vash came back, toting his brother over his shoulder. I was ecstatic to see that Vash had left his coat, gun, and the Cross Punisher, much to the disappointment of Milly, throwing her into an even deeper, uncharacteristic depression, in the desert. But, bringing Knives back? I wondered what went on in his brain. "Needle-noggin," as Mr. Wolfwood sometimes called him, fit perfectly.  
  
*Lonely light that shines from you  
  
You'll wind up like  
  
The wreck you hide  
  
Behind that mask you use*  
  
3 AM. Perfect. If I made a break for it now, I could catch a bus or sandsteamer in the next town in about four days. I could be home by the end of next week. I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind. I've only been gone for nearly three years.  
  
I crept out the door with the bag I had packed, being careful not to wake anyone.  
  
"Senpai, if you're leaving, you're taking me with you. I want to go home, too."  
  
I blinked in the darkness. "Milly?" This was the first time she'd spoken since Vash had gotten home two days ago.  
  
"Senpai. I know you want to leave. I can sense it. Ever since Mr. Vash came back with Mr. Knives. I'm not stupid. Besides, I can pick up Bokushi-san's Cross Punisher on the way."  
  
"Hai," I muttered. "Come on, then."  
  
I didn't even bother to attempt waking the Thomases that we had been using to get around town. There was no point. They hardly awoke during the day, much less the middle of the night.  
  
"Will you miss Vash, Senpai?"  
  
"I don't know, Milly, I don't know."  
  
I walked out the door, finding both Thomases wide awake. I silently praised whoever had woken them up. Now we wouldn't have to walk.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~meanwhile, chez Vash/Knives~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Tongari," I heard someone whisper. I rolled over and squashed the pillow on my head. "HEY NEEDLE-NOGGIN!"  
  
I bolted up in bed. "Wolfwood?" I blinked my blurry eyes into focus. Sure enough, he was there, perched on the edge of my bed. Except, translucent.  
  
"Praise the Lord, he woke up. Obviously still listening to 'Thou shalt not kill.'" Wolfwood gestured to Knives's comatose form.  
  
"Rem," I whispered. "Okay, Bokushi, what is so important that you're waking me up at three in the morning?"  
  
"Well, for one thing, our girls have left."  
  
"Right." My head hit the pillow and I fell back asleep instantly.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Insurance Girls- Milly~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The twin suns were creeping into the sky, casting off shades of pink and orange. I sighed, remembering the last sunrise Bokushi-san witnessed.  
  
That morning seemed as normal as any other. How could I have thought that everything would be the same as always that day?  
  
I saw Meryl suddenly jump off her Thomas and run, chasing something.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Insurance Girls- Meryl~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A flash of silver caught my eye. Squinting, I scanned the area around us, including the vast horizon.  
  
We were iles away from town, making good time since it was about four hours since we left.  
  
There it was again, dead ahead. I started to run, my cloak of concealed Derringers flapping behind me.  
  
*And did you think  
  
This fool could never win  
  
Well look at me  
  
I'm a comin' back again*  
  
I tripped over something small but heavy. "Damn it!" I cried, rubbing my shin. "What the hell is a rock doing in the middle of the desert?"  
  
Reaching back behind me, I found it was no rock. Rocks weren't cold and shaped like a gun.  
  
"Milly!" I cried, "I found them!" I saw the outline of the Cross Punisher in the dust, one part sticking out, the metal from the strap probably what caught the sun.  
  
Milly ran right past me, grabbing the Cross Punisher and strapping it on her back in one swift movement. "Okay, now we can go home."  
  
"Hai." I said, picking up the gun I had stumbled over. "I didn't know there was more than one of these..." I whispered, studying it.  
  
It was an Angel Arm, surely, but not Vash's. It weighed as much as his, though, without a doubt.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Chez Vash/Knives~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Needle-Noggin!" I heard that damn voice again.  
  
"God, how much did I drink that I keep hearing you?" I asked the empty room.  
  
"What?" Knives asked, standing in the doorway.  
  
I did a double-take. "Y-y-you're awake?"  
  
"And you were talking to something at three in the morning," Knives laughed. "I've been awake. And, those girls are gone, so it couldn't have been either of them."  
  
"Crud, I'm still dreaming." I muttered. No way could they leave. It was seven hundred iles to the next town, and they wouldn't even attempt it without a Thomas, and no buses or sandsteamers left in the middle of the night.  
  
"Hey, bozo!" I blinked. Wolfwood was standing next to my bed. I could see Knives through him. "The girls are gone, maybe two hundred iles away from here, and they have my cross!"  
  
"No they don't. It's in the middle of the desert, and I buried the damn thing. And the Angel Arms."  
  
"Vash," Knives looked at me like I'd gone completely insane, a look I was used to. "Who are you talking to?"  
  
"Don't you see him?" I asked my brother pointedly. Wolfwood chuckled.  
  
"Only you can see me right now. Believe me, the girls are gone AND THEY HAVE MY CROSS!"  
  
"They're still here, in the room down the hall. God, I'm never drinking again if it's making me see ghosts and think that Meryl and Milly are gone. Meryl loves me, she wouldn't leave. And Milly, she would have talked sense into Meryl if she tried to leave. They'll lose their jobs if they did!" I laughed.  
  
Knives clubbed me on the head. "They're gone, baka."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Insurance Girls- Meryl~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"How far do you think we've hiked?" Milly asked me as we took a short break. We'd added to our load; Vash's coat and gun, the other Angel Arm which I assumed was Knives's, and Mr. Wolfwood's Cross Punisher.  
  
"I don't know, I guess about two-hundred fifty iles." I sighed. "We still have at least four-hundred iles to go until we reach the next town. Then we can catch a bus or sandsteamer home."  
  
"Senpai, do you even know what the next town is?"  
  
"Not a clue," I admitted. Milly had a hollow smile on her face.  
  
"December. And a hundred iles outside past there was Nicholas's orphanage."  
  
"We're not staying somewhere that's going to depress you even more than you already are."  
  
Milly looked almost crushed. "I'm sorry, but that's how it's going to be," I told her.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Insurance Girls- Milly~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"If that's how it's going to be, at least I have his cross." I said, not letting the tears I could feel welling in my eyes fall.  
  
How I had wanted to find that orphanage he'd told me about. I wanted to live with other people who knew Nicholas.  
  
*I had a taste of love  
  
In a simple way*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Chez Vash/Knives~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I wandered out into the kitchen. How strange, I thought, no one's up yet.  
  
"Meryl? Milly?" I called, walking back upstairs to the girls' bedroom. Cracking open the door, I suddenly panicked. I knew I hadn't been the best man in the world towards Meryl, and I'd basically ignored Milly. What if they actually had left?  
  
Which, according to the lack of sleeping girls, stun gun, Derringer cloak, and Thomases out in front, which I saw from looking out the window, they had.  
  
"I told you," Knives said. Wolfwood was standing next to me, nodding his head.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Insurance Girls- Meryl~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
At sunset, I figured we'd probably gone another two hundred iles. If December was as far away as I thought, we'd only had maybe a hundred fifty iles left. We'd leave tomorrow morning, and catch the first bus or sandsteamer headed to October City, where I had grown up and the headquarters for the Bernardelli Insurance Society was located.  
  
*And if you need to know,  
  
While I'm still standing  
  
You just fade away*  
  
Already, my mental picture of Vash was fading. Of course, the tender, kind Vash who I'd fallen in love with was long gone, but that was who I clung to. Now, he was starting to vanish.  
  
I wondered why, the long time Vash was gone searching for Knives, I hadn't lost that image. Finally, I just assumed it was because I was sure I'd see him again. How had I been so naive? What would I have done if he hadn't come back?  
  
*Don't you know  
  
I'm still standing  
  
Better than I ever did  
  
Looking like a true survivor  
  
Feelin' like a little kid*  
  
I knew if I could get home, Vash would completely vanish from me, except maybe for a few memories.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Vash~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Wolfwood!" I cried. At sunset, I was maybe two iles out of town. Those girls had been lucky enough to have Thomases. I had to walk it.  
  
The priest appeared before me with a bemused expression. "About time, Tongari. What did I tell you?"  
  
"Okay, but how am I supposed to find them? They may be long gone by the time I reach the next town."  
  
"Well, Meryl will be. Better idea would be to catch a bus out to December."  
  
"December?????????? That's in the middle of nowhere!"  
  
"Take Knives with you, too. I don't want that guy on his own."  
  
"And, why to December, pray tell?" I couldn't believe I was taking orders from something that might have just been a figment of my imagination.  
  
"Because that's the next town, genius!" Wolfwood vanished again.  
  
That would explain why Meryl would be gone, but Milly wouldn't. But, where would Meryl go?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Insurance Girls- Meryl~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*I'm still standing  
  
After all this time  
  
Pickin' up the pieces  
  
Of my life  
  
Without you on my mind  
  
I'm still standing  
  
I'm still standing*  
  
High noon, city of December. Milly had left to get some food. I was starting to panic, since the bus to October would be leaving at one.  
  
"Don't bother. She's not coming back."  
  
Where had I heard that voice before? I looked all around me until I saw a familiar lean man clad in black before me.  
  
"Mr. Wolfwood? I thought you were dead."  
  
"I AM, genius!"  
  
"ACK! A ghost!" I started to back away.  
  
"Stop! Right now, you're the only one who can see me. Well, except Vash because I've been talking to him since you and Big Girl cut town."  
  
"Can Milly see you?"  
  
"Not yet. I haven't appeared to her, but I've been keeping dibs on all of you since I died. Especially Vash. Can you believe that my gun was right next to him when he was fighting Knives, Needle-Noggin was unarmed, and he never even thought to use it? I had to scream it in his ear before he thought of it."  
  
"Sounds like Vash to me," I muttered. "But, why are you talking to me? Milly's the one you should be seeing."  
  
"I'm telling you, she's not coming back. She's hiking out to the orphanage. Don't worry about her. She'll be fine. I'll make sure of it." With that, the apparition vanished.  
  
Milly. I should have known she would go there anyway. Fine. I would go home without her. I didn't care.  
  
Well, that's what I told myself. She'd become my best friend in the last few years, and without her, life was certainly going to be different.  
  
*Once I could never hope to win  
  
You starting down the road  
  
Leaving me again*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Milly~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I felt bad about leaving Senpai, truly I did. But, I just couldn't go back. I loved Nicholas. I needed to be where his presence would be strongest, at his orphanage.  
  
I walked through the door and put down the Cross Punisher. It made that familiar noise.  
  
"Hey everyone! Mr. Wolfwood's back!" I heard someone call. A woman a little shorter than me, not quite as short as Senpai, appeared in the hallway. "You're not Nicholas," she stated.  
  
"I know," I said. "He died. A few weeks ago." I slumped against the wall and cried.  
  
"Then what are you doing here with his weapon? Were you the one who killed him?" The woman seemed very frightened of me.  
  
"No," I wept, "I'd traveled around with him for a while. Him and two of our friends."  
  
"You were friends with him?"  
  
"Only for about two years." I was amazingly easy to understand, despite the rivers of tears running down my face.  
  
"So, basically, you met him just after he left here, huh?"  
  
"Yes. He was a good man, even if he had a troublesome past."  
  
"That he was, miss. That he was."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Meryl~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
On the bus, I started to doze on and off, wondering what to say to the boss. I remembered how, when Vash left for the town of LR, I had planned to go home, and I had a whole speech planned out then. Unfortunately, it wasn't going to work now. I was the one who had done the leaving.  
  
I could have stayed and put up with Vash, the way he was, but he'd been irritating and negative, a total opposite of himself, since the day he returned with Knives. I didn't know what it was.  
  
*The threats you made  
  
Were meant to cut me down  
  
And if our love was just a circus  
  
You'd be a clown by now*  
  
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++One Week Later!+++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Vash~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I'd been traveling for days, trying to get to October. The only sandsteamer I could afford took me to where Augusta once stood. I shuddered when I got off, the memory still fresh in my mind.  
  
"Vash, give up. She's just a worthless human."  
  
And I had to take Knives with me. I just *had* to listen to Wolfwood, and now my life was basically hell.  
  
I spun around at him. "You know something Knives? I'm starting to wish I had killed you!"  
  
"And what about a certain promise to Rem?"  
  
"I changed it. I still look to her, but I follow my own guidelines."  
  
"Well, this is an improvement."  
  
My hand instinctively went to my waist, completely forgetting that I had left my gun in the desert. Instead, the one built in my arm flung out. "Knives, do you really want to go there?"  
  
My brother, still jumpy from our last encounter, the one that caused me to have to take him everywhere now, backed off. "I just don't think that going after this human is really worth your time."  
  
"I love her. I have to." I pulled him. "Come on. We have to hike to the next town."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Meryl~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Home again. I had forgotten what the place I'd lived in for twenty years looked like.  
  
My mother welcomed me in, obviously elated to see me for the first time in nearly three years.  
  
"Meryl, my darling! We were so sure you had died, especially after we heard what happened to Augusta and the fifth moon!"  
  
"I was there for both of those events. While he did do those things, neither were his fault."  
  
"You're still such a funny girl. Not his fault. Right."  
  
My father just regarded me with the silent stoicism he'd always possessed.  
  
And I didn't miss Vash at all. Mr. Wolfwood checked in on me the night I got home.  
  
"In case you're wondering, Vash is maybe seventy iles away from here."  
  
"I don't care. I left for a reason."  
  
"Are you sure you don't care?" The ghost was wearing that typical amused expression that was really starting to drive me nuts. He vanished after that, going to see one of his other hauntees, I guessed. It was kinda of nice having him around, especially since it could get so lonely. Not that I missed Vash or anyone, it's just that I was kind of isolated at work and my parents had their own lives. The friends I'd grown up with had left, or didn't really know what to say to me. If they knew how I had once felt about the Humanoid Typhoon, they'd probably say even less.  
  
But I didn't care. I was free from the twenty-four hour obligation, the one that kept me up at night worrying about, since he attracted trouble like a magnet attracts paper clips. (A/N: I hate to interrupt the flow of a story, but I can't remember where I've heard that before...)  
  
*Don't you know  
  
I'm still standing  
  
Better than I ever did  
  
Lookin' like a true survivor  
  
Feelin' like a little kid*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Milly~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sister Clair, who Nicholas had asked to help him take care of the orphans, took me in like I was one of the children. I grew to love them, as though they were extensions of my love.  
  
There would be nights when I would lie awake, staring at the multicolored moons and I could have sworn I heard him call me. "Milly," But when I looked around, there would be no one there, especially not him.  
  
My heart aches for him nightly. We only had one night for each other. Sometimes, I think of the possibilities, If only I'd let him know before, If only I had gone with him, If only I'd made him stay with me. But then I remind myself that thinking of what might have been will do nothing.  
  
I was staring at the hole in the fifth moon, thinking about Meryl, wondering how she was doing at home, and thinking about Vash, how he was, how Knives was.  
  
"Milly," I heard his voice. I was sure I heard it. Frantically, I looked around. I saw a flash of black hair.  
  
"Nicholas?" I whispered. There he was, standing before me. I saw him sit down on my bed, though no indentation was made in the sheets. He looked transparent.  
  
"Honey, I've missed you." He whispered in the glow of the moons.  
  
"I've missed you, too. It's so hard here without you."  
  
"I know," he whispered, his hand reaching out to touch me, although I couldn't feel it at all. His fingers passed right through my hand. "I've been watching you day and night since the second I left."  
  
"Have you been watching Senpai, and Mr. Vash?"  
  
"Yes, I have. They're fine, getting along rather well. Or, well, Meryl is. If you must know, I had sent Vash after both of you, though it took him a while to believe that you had actually left. Right now, he's just gotten to October, and Knives is with him. That scoundrel woke up about the same time you left." Nicholas leaned to kiss me, a kiss I couldn't feel physically, but in my heart, and he vanished, leaving me alone in the night.  
  
"You are never alone," he whispered into my brain. "I'm always with you."  
  
*I'm still standing  
  
After all this time  
  
Pickin' up the pieces of my life*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Vash~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It was about seven o'clock in the morning when Knives and I finally stumbled into the city of October. It was almost exactly the town of LR, people milling all over the place.  
  
"Okay, let's find the damn insurance place, find the girl, tell her you love her, and we can get on with our lives." Knives said bitterly.  
  
"If Meryl relinquishes me my gun, the first thing I do with it is kill you. You've been a pain in the ass since the minute we left." I told him. "And you know what else? I'll stand over your corpse and laugh, and then I'll bury you, even if you're still partially alive. And I'll be laughing the whole time."  
  
"Cripes, Vash. Chill out."  
  
I slapped him. Knives rubbed his cheek, which had a bright red mark.  
  
Someone bumped into me. "God, can't you watch where you're going?" I snapped at the person who squeezed past me. I grabbed onto the person's cloak.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Meryl~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*Without you on my mind  
  
I'm still standing  
  
I'm still standing  
  
I'm still standing  
  
I'm still standing*  
  
I was so late it wasn't even funny. I rushed through the crowds, wishing I lived in a practically deserted town like some of the ones I visited with Vash.  
  
No, don't think about Vash. I told myself.  
  
Without thinking, I bumped into two men who were obviously fighting about something. "Excuse me," I mumbled, squeezing past.  
  
"God, can't you watch where you're going?" One of them snapped at me. He grabbed my cloak. I knew I would be hearing about it today if I was any later, which I knew I was going to be.  
  
"Hey, I know it's a city, and it's crowded, but you could try and pay attention to where you're going!" The man yelled at me. I looked up at him. He was tall and had spiked blonde hair, and aqua eyes which softened the second they looked into mine.  
  
"V-V-Vash?" 


End file.
